Inner Critic

Do you have that piece of you that is such an internal nag? One that can be so cruel to yourself?

Mine is in rare form today. I can't pinpoint why but I'm certainly trying.

The good news is that I'm able to hear it from a new perspective. I can literally separate that voice from the rest of my thoughts and talk it down (mostly).

This is new.

It usually overtakes my mind and pushes me into some sort of despair.

I can promise it feels better this way. . .

Worry

I worry about my Peanuts so much.

Peanut One, especially.

He's having a tough time right now and doesn't have the words to tell me what is bothering him.

It feels like it is literally killing me to watch him go through this.

I want to fix it. I want to make it better. I want to make it go away.

What I realize is that I can't. Even if I could, something else would come up.

I need to merely be with him, let him know he's loved; care for him and let him know I'm here. I need to advocate when necessary, yet not step into everything. I need to relax and be a conscious parent instead of reacting and being a dazed parent.

It's hard.

Perchance to Dream

I've been out of sorts this week and semi-beating myself up about it.

What is going on?

Why are you so lacsadaisical?

What is wrong with you?

Are you ever going to get it together?

I can be pretty tough on myself. . .

None of the usual remedies were working. Exercise. . . journaling. . . talking. . . . Yesterday, at my wits end, I finally remembered that I took the red-eye back from California on Sunday night/Monday morning. I came home to the regular hullaballoo of getting the kids ready and to school. Each night this week one of the little peanuts has woken in the middle of the night (must note that J got up at least his share of the times, but regardless of who gets up with them, I'm up).

Last night no one awoke. I slept like a log.

I feel a lot better.

Sometimes I forget how important a good night's sleep is.

I had the pleasure of hearing Arianna Huffington speak at a conference I went to last week. She was engaging, inspiring and seemed like such a regular gal. I was surprised at the tact her talk took when she began espousing the virtue of sleep. In fact, she has created a sleep challenge and is calling sleep a feminist issue.

Give it a read. I'm thinking of signing up. What about you?

Time Passes

About a year ago I stopped writing on this blog. I had found myself worrying too much about who or who wasn't reading it. The words I wanted to write were so personal and raw at times that I didn't feel ready to broadcast to the world (or even to my family at times!). So I began writing more to entertain the readers I knew I had and this began to feel kind of beside the point. Since then I stopped my blogging and haven't visited these dusty halls in a while.

Today I was practicing mindfulness and 'Magical Reality' came back into my head. I want to write more. I want to share more. I think it is important for me to keep this train of thought going. Can I challenge myself to keep it personal, keep it real, keep it about learning and growing - not entertaining?

So I begin again. I'm going to try and push this forward in a way that is about personal growth and exploration. I commit to share my thoughts and feelings, what I'm trying, what I'm working on. I hope others will join me in this quest.

Let the Magic begin . . .