Sunday, September 7, 2008

Higher Self

I've been thinking about religion a lot over the past year. I was raised Catholic but from the time I was confirmed until I met J I was not really a church attender. I had some issues with Catholicism and a hard time finding peace and spirituality in the confines of weekly church going. None of my friends really went to church and it is actually pretty en vogue with many I know to not go to church, to find spirituality in nature, to decry organized religion, etc, etc, etc.

I also kind of gave up on God when I was a teenager, but more about that later.

Through it all though, I always wanted a religion. I always wanted church to feel special. I always wanted it to be a place of comfort and joy. It just wasn't.

J was raised Catholic and attends mass every week, says prayers at night, and finds comfort in the ritual and routine of it all. It was easy when we married to agree our kids would be raised Catholic - of course they would. It was harder for me to figure out how I was going to marry my version of religion and the church's version of religion. It seemed so difficult and monumental. I couldn't figure out how to connect with it all.

Yet I started going to church with J. I started saying prayers with the Peanuts before bed.

One day I was introduced to the concept of a Higher Self. You've heard me wax lyrical about my Future Self, well this is another layer. I picture my Higher Self as the best, most spiritual essence of me. She is unworldly - more angelic - and a conduit to God/Goddess/All That Is.

For some reason, it is much easier to connect with her than with God. I can kind of 'get it' - the awesomeness of it all - and feel a part of it in an intricate way.

A few months ago, I was saying The Lord's Prayer with Peanut One and the beauty of it suddenly hit me. Sure I would use different words than trespasses, temptation, daily bread; but after saying it eight million times the essence of the prayer finally hit me.

Higher Self;
Help me make our world the best it can be.
Nurture me every day.
Look kindly on me and I will do the same to myself and others.
Help me be my best self in word, act and deed.

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