Inner Critic

Do you have that piece of you that is such an internal nag? One that can be so cruel to yourself?

Mine is in rare form today. I can't pinpoint why but I'm certainly trying.

The good news is that I'm able to hear it from a new perspective. I can literally separate that voice from the rest of my thoughts and talk it down (mostly).

This is new.

It usually overtakes my mind and pushes me into some sort of despair.

I can promise it feels better this way. . .

Perchance to Dream

I've been out of sorts this week and semi-beating myself up about it.

What is going on?

Why are you so lacsadaisical?

What is wrong with you?

Are you ever going to get it together?

I can be pretty tough on myself. . .

None of the usual remedies were working. Exercise. . . journaling. . . talking. . . . Yesterday, at my wits end, I finally remembered that I took the red-eye back from California on Sunday night/Monday morning. I came home to the regular hullaballoo of getting the kids ready and to school. Each night this week one of the little peanuts has woken in the middle of the night (must note that J got up at least his share of the times, but regardless of who gets up with them, I'm up).

Last night no one awoke. I slept like a log.

I feel a lot better.

Sometimes I forget how important a good night's sleep is.

I had the pleasure of hearing Arianna Huffington speak at a conference I went to last week. She was engaging, inspiring and seemed like such a regular gal. I was surprised at the tact her talk took when she began espousing the virtue of sleep. In fact, she has created a sleep challenge and is calling sleep a feminist issue.

Give it a read. I'm thinking of signing up. What about you?

Time Passes

About a year ago I stopped writing on this blog. I had found myself worrying too much about who or who wasn't reading it. The words I wanted to write were so personal and raw at times that I didn't feel ready to broadcast to the world (or even to my family at times!). So I began writing more to entertain the readers I knew I had and this began to feel kind of beside the point. Since then I stopped my blogging and haven't visited these dusty halls in a while.

Today I was practicing mindfulness and 'Magical Reality' came back into my head. I want to write more. I want to share more. I think it is important for me to keep this train of thought going. Can I challenge myself to keep it personal, keep it real, keep it about learning and growing - not entertaining?

So I begin again. I'm going to try and push this forward in a way that is about personal growth and exploration. I commit to share my thoughts and feelings, what I'm trying, what I'm working on. I hope others will join me in this quest.

Let the Magic begin . . .

Magical Obama

Every time I read about Obama's victory I am brought to tears.

Happy tears, that is (learned courtesy of Bea, a champion happy crier).

Others in my family (some of my favorite relatives are Republicans) may be crying sad tears.

Regardless, this is a monumental and historic moment.

J loves to listen to sports radio.

(Stick with me here, there is a connection)

Now the problem, well at least one of the problems, with sports radio is that when they are not talking sports they are typically ranting on and on . . .

. . . and on . . .

. . . and on . . .

. . . about some extremely conservative point of view.

Today I borrowed J's car and as the radio came on I heard an announcer talking about a young, African American girl and how moving it was for him to see her elation, pride and overall joy at seeing the first black man elected President. While Obama didn't receive his vote, he saw a silver lining in the results.

Today I read the paper and there was a quote from Clark Howard who said he, too, was brought to tears when hearing of the election results. He attributed it to growing up at the tail end of the most bitter time of the Civil Right Movement. While he disagrees with Obama on many fiscal matters, he is proud right now.

Today I dropped my son off at school and saw children still proudly wearing Obama t-shirts and pins. They won't ever vote in a Presidential election without this moment as a back-drop.

I can't put into words how incredible this is for the healing and shifting of racial issues in America.

While not the end, it is a tremendous step forward.

It feels like magic.

Lost Children, Lost Parents

I'm sure you've heard that Nebraska has recently run into some challenges with a law it passed in July. Short story is they agreed their state would be a safe haven, allowing parents to drop children off at hospitals if they were overwhelmed and couldn't care for their child (for more info, go here). The last of the fifty states to pass such a law, Nebraska lawmakers interpreted it quite leniently - defining 'child' as anyone under 18.

Since July, 19 children (22 months to 18 years, I believe), have been dropped off at hospitals. Some parents and grandparents even drove in from out of state to leave their children.

Nebraska's answer was to quickly amend the definition of child to mean anyone 3 days old or younger. This moved their state's definition from the most lenient to the most restrictive.

To do the math for you, none of the abandoned children and their overwhelmed parents would have been allowed refuge under the revised law.

19 children would still be living in a situation that was apparently so overwhelming for their caregivers that they chose to give them away.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but clearly status quo wasn't working for these parents and children.

As a parent myself with an abundance of resources at my fingertips, things feel crazy for me at times. I can't imagine what the parents of these 19 children were facing and how stuck they must have felt.

Something is wrong.

I'm sure we can do better.

What do you think?